We Don't Look at Each Other the Same
by EffervescentGrace
Summary: "How was he meant to say 'I don't look at my boyfriend the same way he looks at me?" In which Will isn't asexual. But he might be. Written for the Solangelo Weekend


**Title:** We Don't Look At Each Other the Same

 **Word Count:** 4914

 **Summary** : "How was he meant to say 'I don't look at my boyfriend the same way he looks at me'?"

In which Will isn't asexual. But he might be.

 **Warnings** : There is minor Will/other character than Nico. Sorry about that, but it was important to the story! Also, swearing, some sexual scenes, lots of rambling I guess.

Beta'd by Moonshroom420, Adorkable-Laughter and DarkAngelBlackWings, thank you so much guys!

Written for the Solangelo Weekend and Solangelo Anthology!

/\

Will's first kiss was when he was thirteen. It hadn't been particularly memorable, other than that it was cringingly embarrassing. Lou hadn't really wanted to kiss him either, but the bottle had landed on her and neither of them wanted to be branded cowards, even though not wanting to kiss someone wouldn't have been that big of a deal to any of the other campers. But to Will, who was thirteen, and Lou, who was exactly two days off being fourteen, it was a big deal. So they kissed and it wasn't remarkable at all. It was just a quick press of lips on lips and a small whiff of some sugary smell that meant Lou had been eating candy even though she shouldn't, because she was diabetic. And when it was over Will turned slightly and wiped his mouth even though the kiss had been close mouthed and that was it.

Will's second kiss was something he remembered in detail, because he was fifteen and kissing had become kind of important to him because kissing meant someone wanted to be that close to you, and Will liked the thought of being that close to someone. But at the same time, the kiss was disappointing, because it was just as unremarkable as his first; it wasn't fire or something more than a press of skin. And he had never thought he'd kiss Miranda Gardner, but he did, behind the weapons shed and it just wasn't remarkable even though Miranda was really nice and funny and pretty.

Will remembered a few months after he began dating Miranda Gardner, and he was staking out in some bushes with Lou and Cecil, watching the Roman camp because they were going to invade and, _um, no thank you._ Then Nico di Angelo had come out of nowhere and his face was gaunt and his hair was long and he was wearing a stupid Hawaiian shirt which almost concerned Will as much as his general appearance did, because that shirt really was ugly. But Will's stomach flipped in a strange way and his hands, which were already shaking from delivering a baby satyr, started shaking more, because Will had always thought Nico was amazing.

Nico had told him he was an idiot and yeah, Will guessed that was kind of true but he was just trying to help. And when Nico said that no one wanted him around, Will got angry, because that wasn't true at all but Nico couldn't see it and Will thought Nico was wonderful and he had to know that, right?

Miranda and Will broke up a month before Will turned sixteen, and it left Will's eyes burning for days, with a tightness in his throat and a mind that couldn't stay focused on one task. Because he had really liked Miranda after all, liked helping her in the strawberry fields and cuddling in blankets. Nico had been there for Will and had helped him breathe in and out when Will couldn't get air in his lungs because he was sobbing too hard and he held Will's hand tightly when they shook.

/\

When they were eighteen and were giggly and full of smiles and their jean clad legs were tangled together on Nico's bed, Nico pressed a kiss to Will's mouth and Will laced their fingers together and smiled against Nico's lips and they're both grinning like fools because Nico had just graduated high school besides having not gone to school in over seventy years, and that was a big accomplishment for him.

"I did it," Nico breathed, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against Will's. Will nuzzled Nico's cheek, because he did it. Nico was no longer the small boy with too long hair and a sunken face and Hawaiian shirts that looked too big on him.

"You did it," Will agreed quietly, and Nico smiled even wider, eyes bright with pride. He sat up and ran a hand through his hair, pressing a quick kiss to Will's cheek and disentangling their legs.

"You should brush your teeth," He said, his cheek creasing with a dimple that was hardly seen. "Your breath smells like dirt."

Will swatted him playfully and sat up. "That's what happens when you're training with the Ares cabin. You taste dirt and defeat." But he got up and walked into the bathroom Will was so glad Nico owned, and he began brushing his teeth, because his breath really was atrocious.

As he brushed his teeth, Nico walked in and knocked Will's hip with his own, nearly making Will choke on his toothpaste.

"What the Hades?" Will spluttered. Nico didn't reply, only smirked at him, his eyes dark and intent on Will's face, and then he disappeared out the door again.

Will looked back in the mirror, expecting to see the same flash of emotion in his eyes that he had seen in Nico's. He didn't, and shrugged, rising his toothbrush to his mouth. It didn't matter.

The moment Will re- entered the main part of the cabin, Nico was on him, backing him against the bathroom door and slotting their lips together. Nico's hands tugged impatiently on Will's shirt, and Will broke away from the kiss to laugh breathlessly, because gods be damned if Nico didn't make Will just that happy by kissing him.

"Get it off," Nico mumbled, pressing his mouth to Will's throat. Will obliged and Nico kisses him again when his smooth, tan skin was visible.

Will liked kissing Nico. He liked how Nico always had one hand either curled against the back of Will's neck or in his hair. He likes how Nico made little noises while they kiss, like he couldn't believe that this was actually happening, even so long after it had started. He liked how Nico kissed Will as if it was the best thing he's ever felt.

For Will, it's only mouths being pressed together, wet and somewhat warm. And he wasn't sure if he exactly liked Nico's tongue in his mouth, but he did like the closeness of it all. He liked being someone so important to Nico.

Nico slid a hand down Will's chest and he shivered, tilting his head back. "Come on," He said, nearly pouting. "We need to at least be in bed,"

Nico presses another kiss to Will's neck and says, "Sorry, I just can't get enough of you," And Will laughs, because did he seriously just say that? And well… what exactly did that mean? Will felt he should know.

"You know," Nico said, leaning back to frown up at Will. "You were meant to find that sexy."

Will grinned widely, holding back laughter. "But it was so cheesy!"

Nico looked highly offended. "I will have you know, that was a pretty scandalous thing to say when I was younger."

Will poked his cheek. "How would you know, you were too busy with your nose in Mythomagic cards."

Nico kissed him, effectively shutting him up, because banter was extremely fun but having Nico practically crave him like this was nice too.

Somehow they actually make it to the bed, difficult as it was with constant groping and fumbling mouths. Nico didn't quite rip Will's clothes off – because come on, they're only eighteen/nineteen and really they didn't want to ruin their clothes and it wasn't like they were lovers in shitty vampire romances – but they were hastily removed and then Nico was looking at Will and his eyes flickered and that look was back, like the only thing Nico needed to be hard right now was Will. Nico wore the same look every time they have sex, but it was really standing out that night.

Will realised, his stomach twisting unpleasantly, that he didn't think he'd ever looked at Nico the same way. He took a deep breath and pressed a hand against the small of Nico's shirt covered back.

"You okay?" Nico asked, pressing a gentle kiss to Will's cheek.

Will blinked and discarded his thoughts. They probably weren't the best to voice right now. Instead, he hooked a leg around Nico's thigh, pulling him closer.

"Just wondering when you were planning on taking off your own clothes," he said, smiling cheekily.

Nico puffed out a laugh, kissing him again.

/\

"It's been awhile," Nico murmured, nuzzling the back of Will's neck and making him shiver. Will rolled over, blinking at him tiredly, liking the content look on his face.

"Hmm?" He asked, hand sliding down to hold Nico's. Nico squeezed it gently.

"It's not important," Nico said, yawning, causing his words to fumble and Will to smile. "It's just, we haven't done it in a while."

Oh. Will thought back to the last time they had sex and frowned, holding Nico's hand tighter. "Before your exam- Nico, that was months ago."

Nico nodded and kissed Will's nose, holding him closer. "Yeah, I know,"

Will frowned into a corner of the ceiling over Nico's head. He hadn't realised it had been so long since they had sex- he knew they had been busy, Will with his camp duties, Nico with school, but still.

"I'm sorry," He said, kissing the top of Nico's head because he knew Nico enjoyed the feeling.

There was a pause that was so quiet Will thought Nico must have fallen asleep, but then he answered very quietly. "Why?"

And Will didn't know. He meant to answer, but he didn't know how to, so he just doesn't.

/\

It was little things that made Will pause. He remembered being fourteen and when thinking of intimacy, images of cuddling on couches and sharing milkshakes coming to mind. It was being fifteen and having his arms around Miranda, pressing kisses to her neck and smiling when she would gasp out 'I love you's' while they had sex. It was being seventeen and having a lapful of Nico and kisses being pressed down his jaw. It was going months without realising you haven't had sex with your boyfriend.

/\

Will remembered the first time they had kissed. He and Nico had been goofing around, throwing marshmallows at each other in the Apollo cabin at nearly three in the afternoon. It was the middle of the school year. There were only four of Will's siblings still at camp, and they were busy swimming or playing basketball.

Nico laughed as he threw a marshmallow and it hit Will's cheek. He leaned forward to grab another puff of candy out of the bag but Will snatched it away and Nico chased after it, reaching for the bag without thinking and suddenly their faces were close together and their smiles were fading as the atmosphere changed. Nico's hand was on Will's chest.

 _He's touching me,_ Will's surprised thought was, and just as quickly, Nico moved back, flushed and nervous.

"Sorry, I'm probably making you uncomfortable, I mean-"

Without thinking, Will curled a hand around Nico's wrist. "No, it's okay, I was just surprised, is all."

Nico looked at him, all wide eyes with blossoms of hope. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," And Will had no idea what he was doing, but Nico didn't seem to mind being pulled forward because he pliantly went with Will's hands until he was mostly against Will's side with his weight focused on Will's hip.

Will, ignoring the way his hip already began to ache, linked his hands behind Nico's neck and tugged him forward gently.

"Is this okay?" Nico asked in a hushed voice, eyes darting to Will's lips and yeah, Will didn't really have an answer. He just knew Nico wanted to kiss him, and that he wondered what that would be like, and that he kind of just wanted Nico close. He nodded and then they were kissing.

It wasn't that different than kissing Miranda, Will mused, as their lips met again, and again, and again. He could smell Nico's conditioner (something spicy), the lavender scent of his clothing detergent. Will liked this, having Nico close to him, though kissing him was just as unremarkable as it had been with Miranda. Will's heart sank at the thought, part of him had been hoping that this would be different, that he would feel what everyone else apparently felt when they kissed someone. Heat. Fireworks. Anything.

It just felt weird, as kissing always had. Lips on lips.

But the closeness was something enjoyable. Will twisted so that he could relieve this hip of some of that pain, and then Nico was in his lap. He was even closer than before, and without even meaning to, Will's lips broke into a large smile.

"What?" Nico asked, but he was smiling too, and it was lovely.

"Nothing," Will said, tracing a finger across Nico's back. "I'm just happy."

"Yeah?" Nico asked, eyes crinkling as his smile widened and dimples creased his cheeks. Will nodded, nudging Nico's nose with his.

"Me too," Nico whispered and they kissed again.

/\

"Hey, Will, what can I do for you?" Malcolm asked, pushing his glasses up his nose quickly and setting down his book. He scooted over, making room for Will on his bed, a friendly smile on his face. Will smiled, sitting down and pulling a pillow onto his lap as something to hold on to.

"I was just… you're really smart, right Malcolm?" Will said hesitantly. Malcolm grinned, his eyes scrunching up behind his glasses slightly. He bumped shoulders with Will playfully, his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth as he smiled.

"I've been told so," He said warmly. His eyes softened. "What's wrong?"

Will had always really admired Malcolm. He was one of those guys who were really nice, even when he didn't have to be. A lot of people at Camp Half-Blood wanted to be friends with Percy Jackson and Jason Grace, but Malcolm was a lot more appealing to Will. He had a quiet air of content to him.

"I…" How was he meant to say 'I don't look at my boyfriend the same way he looks at me'? Will had come to Malcolm because he assumed Malcolm would know the answer to his question, but what was he even asking in the first place?

"I don't know," He shook his head. "I'm sorry Malcolm, but I don't know why I even came here."

There must have been something in his voice because Malcolm was quiet for a few moments. And then he abruptly stood and walked over to his perfectly organised bookshelf, grabbing one from the top.

"Here, I recently got this book on Aristotle's theories and I thought you might enjoy it." He said, holding it out to Will, who took it with a smile. Will understood that this was what Malcolm did to comfort people – he gave them gifts of things they found interesting to distract them from their distress. It perhaps wasn't the healthiest thing to do, but it was certainly very sweet.

"Thanks, Malcolm," Will said, and smiled, because that was all he could think to do at the moment.

/\

Will and Nico were sitting on a sofa in the Apollo cabin, pouring over various gaming magazines comparing the same video game that they both wanted to play, but never would.

It turned out that pouring through psychology books and speaking to various children of Athena was useless, he only came up with results on different perceptions of reality. Observing his relationship with Nico compared to others wasn't working either, mainly because Nico was incredibly observant of Will and was getting weirded out. He was pretty knowledgeable of Will's mood swings, and usually left him too sulk if he needed to, but considering it had been a few days and Will was still acting strange, it seemed that Nico had decided enough was enough.

"What's going on?" Nico asked finally, flipping a magazine shut and sitting up. Will blinked and slowly sat up, trying to think of what to say. He ran a hand over his mouth, licked his lips.

"It's just been kind of stressful in the infirmary-"

Nico gave him a look that told Will he didn't believe a word of it. Will sighed, deciding to just be honest. This was Nico, anyways, it's not as if he'd be mad. Well, Will hoped he wouldn't be. Nico was the one who still stuck by even after Will sobbed for an entire day on the anniversary of his brother's death. He wouldn't leave him over something like this.

"Okay," Will began, twisting his hands into the hem of the sweater he was wearing. "You- this is going to sound ridiculous."

He peeked at Nico, who was sitting with a look of patience on his face that encouraged Will to continue.

"You remember the other night, after you got your results, and you decided to get all horny-"

Nico whacked Will's arm, lips pressed into a line to suppress a smile and cheeks aflame. A small, worried part of Will appreciated the light-hearted moment.

"Well, you said something that was kind of-"He paused, frowning, before beginning again. "You said you couldn't get enough of me- and I- well… I don't really understand what you mean?"

Nico flushes again, averting his eyes because he was obviously remembering that moment. "I didn't expect that to be where the conversation was headed," he said, but he wasn't really talking to Will, and his eyes were unfocused.

"I mean," he said after a moment, "you know I find you attractive."

Will nodded, because he knew he was good-looking, pretty even, with his blond ringlets, baby blue eyes and brown skin. He had woken to Nico pressing kisses to his cheeks, eyelids, mouth, enough times to know this.

"I mean," Nico was starting to show his habit of repeating himself when he was thinking. "Sometimes, just looking at you makes me want to, _you know_ , be with you."

Will's eyebrows pulled together as he thought. "So, I'm hot enough that you want to fuck me?" That seemed simple enough. Will had high enough self-esteem to know he was attractive.

Nico immediately looked affronted, as if the mere thought was offensive to him. "It's more than that. It's how you act, how you look at me, how-"

"How I look at you?"

And now Will was frustrated, because that's what'd caused this whole conundrum in the first place. Because he was pretty sure he didn't look at Nico the same way Nico had looked at him in the bathroom that day – all dark eyes and inviting stares. It had made Will feel so _wanted,_ and it had upset him to no end that he wasn't able to respond the same, because even if it wasn't for sexual reason, it was always nice to feel wanted, and Will wanted that for Nico.

"Yeah, like you want me."

The world lurched and the only word that came to mind was _shit._ Shit. Will squeezed his eyes shut hard and then opened them again, blinking rapidly. He couldn't ever remember looking at Nico and thinking it was enough. There had to be one time.

"Will?" Nico reached out to touch Nico's shoulder.

"I do want you," Will blurted and peeked at Nico. He looked worried. "I do, I swear. It's just. I- well. Shit."

He ran a hand through his hair, wincing at the look of concern on Nico's face because Nico knows he doesn't swear.

"Look," Will began again, "I think… please don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think I do- look at you the same way. Sexually." Why couldn't he word this properly?

Nico dropped his hand. "You aren't sexually attracted to me?" He doesn't look upset, just confused. Will could deal with confused. "I thought you said you were bisexual?"

Nico's learnt a lot about sexuality over the last couple of years. Will was glad there was even a hint of accusation in his voice. Will wanted to explain that kissing a girl felt no different than kissing a boy- it was just nothing if there wasn't a bond between them first.

"I thought I was." Will said. "Like, I don't- do you remember the first time we kissed?"

A small smirk made its way onto Nico's face. "How could I forget, when you nearly tugged me onto your lap?"

"Shut up!" He spluttered, flushing. He scooted around slightly, so he was better facing Nico. "Why did you kiss me?"

Nico got that far-off expression again. "You were so close." He said, and there was a small smile on his face. "I could smell you, and we were pressed together… and I just couldn't help it. I wanted you. I'd wanted to be with you."

Will couldn't help but smile at that.

Nico's eyes focused on Will again. "Why did you kiss me?"

"Because I wanted to," Will admitted, earnestly. "I wanted to be close to you, it didn't matter how."

Nico let that sink in. "So, when we first slept together?"

"I wanted you," Will confirmed. "I still want you, but it's always been more about being close to you than your body."

Will loved Nico's body. He loved his dark hair and olive skin. He loved his cheekbones, his slender legs and the way his hipbones jutted out. He loved snuggling into Nico's chest and interlacing their legs. And he wanted Nico, wanted them to be wrapped tightly together until it was almost hard to breathe. There was just none of the heat in his eyes like there had been in Nico's last week.

"Is it just me?" Nico asked, averting his eyes. "What about your ex?"

Will thought about it. He had liked cuddling with Miranda, the feeling of her breasts against his chest, their hands connected over a blanket. He had loved the feeling of her waist in his hands as she pressed a kiss to his neck and murmured 'I'm close'. But.

"It's not just you," Will said, swallowing against the sudden dryness of his throat.

They both sit in silence and Will suddenly wanted to go back to their magazines, because this got bigger than he had anticipated.

"So, what does this mean?" Nico asked quietly.

Will looked down at the glossy pages of his magazine.

"I don't know." He said honestly.

/\

Will looked up at the sky, blinking more than usual to get rid of the slight pain of looking up at the brightness of the mid-morning. He was lying in the strawberry fields, and he knew he would have to leave soon. He didn't really want to risk a run-in with Miranda right now.

After their conversation in his cabin last night, it had taken Will nearly twenty minutes to convince Nico to sleep in the same bed as him. ("Look, I don't want to make you uncomfortable-" "You aren't," "But, Will-" "If you were making me uncomfortable, I'd tell you, now come here.")

Will hoped that this new dilemma wasn't going to change anything. He loved Nico. And after their conversation the night before, Will figured he owed it to Nico to keep on trying to figure this out.

/\

Drew answered the door to the Aphrodite cabin when Will knocked. She grinned at him, somehow still incredibly beautiful even with her hair in a messy bun and her pyjamas on.

"Hey sweetie, you better have a good reason for waking me up." There was no malice in her voice. She and Will had always been good friends. Will swallowed, hunching his shoulders, and Drew's smile faded.

"Come in, honey, you look like you need to talk," she said quietly, gently pulling him into the cabin by the sleeve of his shirt.

Will tried to explain it to Drew as they sat on her bed. Obviously, Nico wasn't a jerk. He wasn't like he was going to be a fuckboy about it if Will said 'Look, I don't ever want to have sex with you again,' because Nico was a decent human being.

But the problem was that Will actually _liked_ having sex with Nico. He liked the closeness, he liked Nico, and he liked making him feel good. Plus, sex was actually pretty good. And yet there were times when, if Will thought about having sex, with even Nico, he was so repulsed he felt like he might be sick. But for the most part, Will was pretty chill with the idea of sex.

It's the actual attraction part he was missing.

Which was why he asked, as more of a statement than a question, "I don't experience sexual attraction."

By now, other Aphrodite kids were awake and were listening to Will. Will didn't mind, if they could help, they could help. And it seemed they did have some theories.

"Well," Lacy, a fifteen year old with golden pigtails, began, "you could be asexual."

There was a murmur of agreement from the others. Will was lost. "What does that mean?"

Mitchell, twenty years old, pushed his glasses up his nose and smiled gently, comfortingly. "Someone who's asexual doesn't experience sexual attraction."

Will stared, feeling as if his insides had been scooped up and squeezed. He swallowed. "Can you please elaborate for me?" he asked.

/\

Will's mind was swimming by the time he left the Aphrodite cabin, which was at nearly nine that night. He had been told all about the different kinds of sexualities out there- there was pansexual, homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, transsexual, androsexual, gynesexual, and even more that Will had never heard about. And of course asexuality. It was so complex.

First, asexuality couldn't even be conformed as just no sexual attraction what so ever, there were grey areas of the asexuality spectrum. And asexuality wasn't celibacy, even though some aces were celibate, and some aces didn't experience romantic attraction, though some did. Will wasn't sure what he felt.

If Will were to label himself (which he didn't know if he was happy with doing) then he was probably biromantic demisexual, in which he was romantically attracted to men and women, but only sexually attracted to them after establishing a strong bond with them.

His head hurt.

Will walked around to the Hades cabin, wondering whether Nico had felt neglected today. He hoped not. It was just that this sexuality thing had consumed every one of Will's thoughts - and, man, he had head counsellor duties that he was meant to attend to that he totally blew off, and he was meant to train some of the younger campers. Crap.

Without thinking, Will opened the door to the Hades cabin to see Nico was rearranging furniture. He did that a lot, always unsatisfied with the look of his cabin.

When he saw Will, Nico let go of a bedside cabinet he had been pushing and quickly made his way over to his boyfriend, holding his hand softly.

"How have you been?" He asked quietly. Will ignores him for a moment, tugging them down onto a bed and resting his head on Nico's chest. He listened to his heartbeat, trying to recollect his jumbled thoughts.

"You know that whatever sexuality you are won't change this, right?" Nico asked, brushing a hand over Will's curls. "I'll still be here."

Will laughed weakly and then promptly began to cry, and seriously?

"I just want you to be happy," Nico continued, brushing away tears from Will's cheeks that were replaced instantly by another. "Even if that means we don't ever have sex again."

"It's- not that," Will mumbled, voice muffled by tears. Terrific. "I like having sex with you. It feels good."

"Well, that's good." Nico said after a moment.

"You're silly sometimes," Will giggled wetly. Nico poked him in the rib.

"Shut up." He said fondly. "Honestly though, our relationship- it's more than just sex for me. It's important. You being asexual won't change a thing."

Will smiled at that, but it quickly went away. "I just… doesn't it bother you?"

He could practically feel Nico's bewilderment. "Why would it bother me?"

"I don't feel the same as you," Will sat to look at Nico. "That doesn't make you feel unwanted or anything?"

Will said the words quickly, because he didn't really want a discussion. Except he did. He could live without sexual attraction- it wasn't like he was repulsed by sex, and he loved being close to Nico. But he wanted Nico to feel wanted as well, and well, if he wasn't… well, he literally could not love Nico in the same way Nico loved him. And he's scared. Scared Nico won't want to deal with that.

"Do you not want me around?" Nico asked. And that's just stupid, which was what Will told Nico with wide, shocked eyes. He couldn't imagine not loving Nico, not wanting him around.

"Why would I feel unwanted then?"

And Will can't answer because his eyes are filling up with tears again and so instead he leaned forward, glancing at Nico to make sure it was okay, and kissed him softly. And it was just a brush of their lips, but suddenly Will couldn't take it and launched forward, hugging Nico tightly.

"Nico?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm asexual," He breathed against Nico's neck. There was a pause and then.

"Can I shorten it to ace? That way I can say 'my boyfriend is really ace'."

Will let out a shocked laugh and leaned back, a smile growing on his face. "You are so _old._ Honestly."

"Am not!"

Will hugged Nico tighter. He probably couldn't breathe.

But that was okay, because Nico was holding him just as tight.


End file.
